Clearly I'm out of the blogging habit.

I haven't written in months and months and months, up until a couple weeks ago. And now that I decided to start again, the proverbial cat seems to have my tongue! It's not that I have nothing to say. Partly, it's that the time I used to use for blogging and general internetting has filled up, with four hungry mouths to feed, with twice the homework assistance, and with the irresistable allure of...wait for it...spending time with my beloved new husband. It's true. As much as I have a secret geek inside of me, and as much as I love reading blogs, getting inspired by others' words and art, and as much as I seem to like to hear myself "talk," I mostly find myself wanting to hunker down and enjoy a couple peaceful hours before bed next to the man with whom I've fallen so crazily in love.

Not that I'm complaining. Not one little bit.

But soon, I promise, I will regale you with stories of picking up my knitting needles again! And with plans for photographing the murals of this incredible town! And with the fledgling seeds of a business plan! And, par for the course, tales of parenting these endlessly entertaining and occasionally vexing children!
For the moment, though, I'd just like to recommend a book. My eldest read it first, and it's meant to be young adult fiction (much like a certain vampire trilogy that's been immensesly successful...), and he could. not. tear himself away. He told me repeatedly that I had to read it, so I did. And you know what, it was nothing short of riveting. I, as well, could not tear myself away. I may have even taken a longer than usual lunch today, sitting in my car, unable to put it down until it was through. Needless to say, I recommend it.

"funny, you don't look like a mom..."

High praise, right mamas? I was thinking this morning, while flat-ironing my freshly-colored hair (kind of a dark chocolate, for those who might inquire), what is it about most moms I know, myself included, that makes us staunchly resist settling into the "mom" look. We sneer at mom jeans, we don't imagine ourselves being friends with that know the one; she looks like she just rolled out of bed, she's wearing her hair the exact way she wore it in high school, 20ish years ago, she hasn't a clue what's happening in music or popular culture, and she defines herself entirely by her kids' activities.
It's a bit ironic, really, because the same mamas, my peers, my kindred souls, are also fiercely proud of their kids, and absolutely in almost every way, feel that having children has shaped us like nothing else. It's far and away the most important thing we do. We're devoted, we think deeply about our parenting and its eventual outcome, we read books, we constantly hone and adapt for our kids' uinque and ever-changing needs. It matters to us, like almost nothing else.

But GOD help us if we start looking like a mom. I guarantee you such a comment from almost every mother I know, at least of my generation, will garner you no less than a withering glare, followed immediately and inwardly by a minor crisis of self-esteem.

SO, I was it in fact, generational? Is it a way for us to differentiate ourselves from our mothers? Is it our society's youth-obsession, pushing Botox and Restylane at women just glancing their 30s? Is it because we GenXers considered ourselves so unique? Is it technology and social networking, which keeps us very much current on how everyone else is handling themselves, how astute they are socially, how gracefully they are, dare I say it...aging?
I know I am not immune. I walk proudly with my children, I adore being a mom and now a step-mom, I delight in their accomplishments, but I most certainly don't want some random stranger who sees me out of context, away from parenting, to assume I'm a mother purely on outward appearance, style, or savviness.

So. On that note, I want these boots. Hell yes, I am still a bad-ass.
In very fast-forward fashion for those who used to read this blog, but don't keep up with me on Facebook, quite a bit has changed in my life. Short version: I met an amazing man, we fell in love, we got a puppy, we started sharing our families, we traveled, we got engaged, I moved to Santa Fe and lo! on a beautiful October day, we got married.
It was beautiful, sweet, and intimate, which very much reflects this love. I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I feel complete in a way I thought was the stuff of fairy tales. Together, we have four children, which is obviously a big adjustment for everyone invoved, but the kids adore one another and have relationships adults could learn from. It's a million times easier than I ever could have fathomed, and it feels like everything is exactly as it was always meant to be.
My husband is a deeply private man, so sadly, I won't be sharing pictures of him here, nor his children. I'll refer to everyone by first initial, as I have always done. You will have to trust me that he is very, very handsome, which is only the tinest part of why I am madly in love. His kids are lovely, as well, and all four of them look, act, and feel like siblings; people even mistake the girls for twins!
A few wedding pictures follow, faceless other than a bit of me, but hopefully the joy and utter contentedness come through.

The above photos were taken by my friends at B & G Photography; they don't have a site up yet, but if any local folks would like contact info, I will absolutely pass it along.

It feels so good to be doing this again. I leave you today with a song.

redux is no longer, it's been laid to rest.

... And by that, I mean I failed to renew my domain whilst waffling over blogging at all, in a very angsty, meta sense at first, and later out of a sheer lack of volition, but the truth is, I miss it. I miss writing. I miss sharing a bit of poetry that makes me gasp, or a song I'm in love with, I miss showing off a photo with which I'm particularly pleased, I miss hearing my small posse of readers' voices.

My old blog captured several years of my life, and I'm sad that it's gone and that the old files can't be recovered. Some of the posts can be found on the Wayback Machine, which will have to suffice. I'm certainly not about to re-hash the last five years of my life in this space. Instead, I'll be writing about right here, right now, which happily is a very fabulous place to be.

Obviously, there are no bells and whistles yet, no pretty design. But if you know me at all, you know I do not mess around and there's no way I'll be sticking to some pre-fab template for long.

So, hey! Glad to be here, out loud.

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